Fight or flight?




Seems like the eternal question that never gets answered.


Why do we often choose to the former over the latter? Is it that much easier? Isn’t it all the more hard in the long run? Definitely would solve the immediate problem. How long do we avoid, in most cases, the inevitable?


At times, I just feel it is good enough to sit back watch things unfold.


At other times, this is also the most apt recipe for self-destruction – which works just as well.


To fight is the hardest of all the options - it actually requires me to get out of my comfort zone and do something about it. To give it all I have and hope that it is all worth it at the end of it. Yes – the everlasting optimistic fool.


Now and then I question myself:


Where is this all leading to?


Most often now, I say “take the plunge” or “we get one life, let’s make the most of it”. It is simply because I actually believe in that! How long are we gonna play it safe and accept the mediocre life and convince ourselves – correct that – fool ourselves?


Why do we keep at the things even when we know the answer? Maybe we just want to be surprised once in a while and not have the clichéd ending that we’ve always seen.


Though not really a Beatles fan, always loved these words by John Lenon –


"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"





its 12:35am... I’m rambling again... f**k it...

I used to walk through these Fields of Love
Where I saw nothing but clear blue skies above
Now I watch the dark clouds appear
Seems that it has brought along with it fear

This world appears to be filled with only with agony and pain
And here I thought she'd help me keep sane
I question why everything is turning so vain
Sadly, I have great expectations - please don't ask me to explain

I was told by a friend
Not to continue on this trend
If I expect nothing from anyone
Then the battle is more than won
For I can never fail at receiving anything
As, to begin with, I wouldn’t want anything

I know, that is wrong
How would one know where to belong
Constantly running away from it all
Not standing up to anything cause we are too afraid to fall
I'm going to stand my ground
If something can be lost it also can be found
Show her my side of things
Show her what she brings
There is more to it all
And yet nothing at all

Things simply couldn't be more clear
Have our priorities right and take on things as they appear
The afternoon was perfect when, at the restaurant, we shared our seat
On opening the menu it aptly said "Live  Love  Eat"



...Thoughts from the weekend....

mindless rambling.

“You’re just experiencing a quarter life crisis” she said condescendingly while sipping on her espresso. I looked away as I realised there was no point taking this conversation any further. This was a little over a year ago when I told her I was resigning & relocating.



I remember when I was 21, I set a goal for myself: by the time I am 25 I will own my own BMW. When I was 24, I could have bought myself just that. But I just didn’t crave for it anymore. I didn’t see the point of owning a fancy car. If anything I pulled a complete 180. I quit my job in a well renowned financial institution, let go of a promising career that just didn’t seem to fit me anymore and decided to see where I go. Times change, People change. Often heard that, now I actually experienced it. [Though one might argue that the general traits and characteristics will never change]. Always makes me wonder why are people so rigid in their ways, they believe theirs is the only way and everything else is wrong. Everyone has dreams and ambitions. However, most often we meet people who try to force their ideals on to you. Most often I hear my peers talking about their plans –chalked out to the very last detail. [I may have even been there at some stage] How the MBA course that they are going to do will be the best and how things would be perfect after. Everyone needs that little incentive to move on. But is everyone that eager on the destination that they forget about the journey itself?


I’m reminded of the opening lives of a poem we studied in school...


What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.
                      – from “Leisure” by W.H. Davies




Since I started work again about six months ago, I have met a lot interesting people and shared various experiences. Seen the way they’ve challenged life or how they’ve succumbed to it. There are a few who will still smile when the whole world is crumbling around them – most often looking to the lighter side of life and/or realising that there isn’t any point to cribbing about it [no one honestly gives a fuck – they around just so they feel better about themselves]. There are those as well, who’d make a mountain of EVERYTHING – sit and complain about it all. I guess they just need that extra attention [constantly]. A rare kind but then you meet those as well, who will never let their personal lives interfere in a day’s work. Guess there is enough drama as it is, why add more on to others and themselves.


I guess in all of this incoherent rambling what I am trying to say is that, the journey matters more to me than the destination. We don’t often cross the same path twice, so let’s make the most of what we can at that point and move on. When I get to where I am going, I want to look back on good memories and NOT just long hours of work/study and all those missed opportunities.

We forget to live a little and enjoy life...
At the end of the day...

How far have we really come?

2am.


I get into my car, time to get home. The song begins to play. My new favourite: Wishing Well by The Airborne Toxic Event (just can connect to it a lot these days). The drive back home is only 2 minutes but the timing was perfect. I guess at that time of the night, when the city is asleep, I could listen to it at peace. There isn’t any noise. I’m enjoying the silence and tranquillity: the phone not ringing, no traffic noise, and no commotion. I decide to take a drive, listen to a couple of the songs from the album and head home. Some of the other favs on the album: Sometime Around Midnight, Does This Mean You’re Moving On and Papillon. They’ve got a different feel. I like the music composition; their lyrics are good as well. The introduction of the song “Sometime Around Midnight” with the violin is very original. The way the rest of the song slowly builds and gets heavy with explosive lyrics – perfect recipe.




I’m home now. Listening to The Black Keys. To me, they are "simplicity – at its best". 2 man group: guitarist & drummer. I still remember the first time I heard about them, I was at a friend’s place for thanksgiving, we happened to be discussing music and John Mayer came up. I was telling them on how I thought he had evolved comparing his first album to his much later stuff, especially the album “Try” by John Mayer Trio. That’s when one of them recommended The Black Keys. Honestly, the first time I heard them, I was wondering what the hell? As I hadn’t expected anything like them. I had got my hands on the album “Magic Potion”. After a couple of more listens: I was sold! I tried to get everything I could. I got the album “Rubber Factory”, which till date is their BEST album (according to me). [It was recorded in a warehouse]. I recently got one of my friends from work hooked on to it. Unfortunately, she heard the “rubber factory” album first; so all the other albums after, never hold much value because she keeps comparing it to that. I’ve nicknamed her “Psychotic Girl” – after one of their tracks (no reference to the actual lyrics though). She calls them anytime music. Makes her feel good, no matter when she listens to it. Unlike my other friends at work, this one actually listens to a lot of the similar music that I do, so we tend recommend each other on singles & albums. A lot of her choices remind me of my time in school, year 12 – Guns N Roses, Metallica, etc. I remember one day she was telling me that when in a CBF mood, hard rock/metal always helps. I think to myself, I listen to that and go to sleep!



Wolfmother!!! One of my fav hard-rock bands. Not quite sure if they are metal, these days the classifications have just multiplied and unnecessarily complicated itself. Anyways, the Wolfies are outstanding. Remind me of the early metal (which these days is probably considered only hard rock). These guys have rhythm and powerful lyrics. About a year ago this time around, I saw them live in Me!bourne – promoting their then new album [2nd album] – Cosmic Egg. The only concert where I actually was in a mosh pit. Most venues and/or bands do not permit that anymore.



Music has always been a part of life. I have had various influences; I guess that’s why my preferences for music are lot broader. While growing up I was predominantly influence by my father and my brother. In year 8, I think there was just a bad era of music with the boy bands and the pop culture. Sadly, I actually bought albums then. Thankfully I grew up. Moved drastically to the likes of GNR, Prodigy, Beasty Boys, 2pac, etc. Being the younger sibling, I guess I just had to try to do whatever my brother did. My brain was like a sponge, trying to absorb as much as I could. I remember when I was in year 11 I thought I had the widest range of music choices: metal, hard rock, alternative rock, retro, pop, commercial, hip hop and trance. Looking back now, I think it has only grown further to include jazz, blues, fusion and world music. And I’m always looking forward to listening to something new, hearing a new beat/rhythm/style.


However, as my preferences go: its rock (all kinds) & blues. Love the guitar. Never had the patience to learn it, do appreciate it!

D

I saw Him standing there,
I knew the stare
He was waiting for me
Was it time already?
There is so much to be done
I'm yet to have some fun!
There is so much more to achieve
There is so much more to believe
Why does He want me to leave?
Isn't another chapter yet to be weaved?
I want to sit with Him & negotiate a deal
That's a lot more than one last meal.
I want heaps more time
I want Her to take claim on me and call me, 'mine'.
Travel together, across the endless sea
Live life the way I've dreamt of it to be.
He simply smiles when I tell him this
He is surprised that I'm in a state of bliss
He explained that wasn't the plan
I wasn't supposed to be Her man
I protest, there are exceptions to the rules of the game
He ignores and says that's what written by my name.
I get on my knees and beg Him
He still doesn't budge, nothing matters to Him.
He sees me shed a tear,
I don't want to leave here
I confess, I've changed my ways
Nothing like from the old days
Is She worth it, he asks?
All I can reply is a smile.
He disappears.

Changes!

It’s funny how accustomed to the things we get, whether it is a simple routine of having a cup of coffee in a particular manner every morning or watching your tube from a particular couch that has only your indentations.



I love music. Everyone that knows me! Or at the least have seen a glimpse of this insanity. Just last week, as I was rushing to work I grabbed my mp3 player to only realise later I didn’t take my earphones. I don’t have any fancy noise-cancellation ones or some high-priced gadget. I have the ones that are really soft like at the end, that sit comfortably in the ear, doesn’t disturb the persons sitting around me if the volume is turned up high, as this are more sound-directed than those other lamer ones – which at times you just want to pull your hair out. I don’t find any quality loss, the music is (for me) at its best. So now here I am, sitting at my desk disappointed. I know it is going to be long day at work. I NEED MY MUSIC - I can hear my brain scream out. If I had the earphones and wasn’t listening to music, wouldn’t have been the case. I guess when you don’t have it or can’t have it – you simply want it more. I ruffle through my bag to find a pair of earphones that I think isn’t that bad. They are the ones, which I had got free on a plane. No sooner had I plugged them in, I knew why I had not used them before. I think my ears were going to bleed. Okay, okay, bit of an exaggeration. But I think that’s what my brain was convinced with. I am not that picky about change. But music is one of the very few things, which I don’t think I will ever compromise on. No matter which corner of the world I am in. I will always need music. Movies & Books come after...


On books:


So there I was talking to her today. She was surprised to see me spend so much time with her in the bookstore and not run out or get bored. I explained to her that a book store and a music/movie store are 2 stores that I can spend an abundant amount of time and not be bored. I guess I just get lost in my little own world. I remember, whenever I met up with a few friends, I would like to choose a spot that is close to either of the two. Most of the time, I would end up there on time and they would be running late. I could kill time. Add more things to my wish list for my dream library. As I was explaining to her this, I remembered about a bookstore that I used to visit (unfortunately too often). Premier Book Store, it was on Church Street. She knew about it too. I think anyone who grew up here and enjoyed to read a book knew about it. The store wasn’t all that big, yet it had like nearly everything you would look for. The store had warmth to it, which no big franchise/chain will ever have. The shop-owner sat there behind the counter. He didn’t have a computer that he would need to check to tell you whether he had something or not. He knew exactly where the books were. The books were stacked everywhere. (Some even stacked from the floor to nearly the ceiling). He would advise you on the books out of his memory. Not some online review that some may look up or ask you to look up. He would make recommendations based on your tastes and needs – they never were wrong. He used to sell all books at 20% off the retail price. I remember, the first time when I had made a purchase I thought he made a mistake – when I pointed this out – he simply smiled and said not to worry, the price is correct. If he didn’t have a book that one was looking for, he would get it - never say that he didn’t have stock and not sure when they will refill. Most big stores' clerks today, will simply shrug their shoulders and say they don’t when are getting anymore copies of the book. It was a genuine book store only. No cards, no stationery or any other crap. Sadly, this store was shut in Feb 2009. The building owners wanted all their tenants to vacate so that they could tear it down and build something grander. The owner of the store decided to retire and spend some time with his daughter.


I guess some changes are inevitable and how we adapt or resist these changes is what truly defines us!

Thinking of Me!bourne

A couple minutes past midnight, listening to some good classics.



Me & Bobby McGee by Janis Joplin is playing. Not a big fan of hers, well... not that I have listened to a lot of her music.

Stuggling to sleep, random thoughts running through my head. Attempting to pick up a book to read, just cant seem to get around to it. I think the last one was just that bad, I’m still annoyed. Or probably just lazy now (which is more like it). Recently bought the book “motorcycle diaries”, loved the movie. Can’t wait to read the book, however, at the same time I just can’t get around to forcing myself to read. Well it has to be leisure, not like I have to study for a test or something.

The simplicity of the song draws me the most.

The book before this was “Shantaram”: just too damn descriptive for me. Though my colleague has the opinion that I should just skip the first hundred pages and move on – as I will not miss anything and that is when the interesting bit starts. Somehow, I don’t think I will ever get around myself to do that. I just need to go through it, especially if I am reading a book for the first time. The only time I’ve skipped ahead is in “the lord of the rings”, it was only in the parts of the Gollum. That too, cause I have seen the movies at the least 3-4 times [I have the extended versions].

The song has changed to Black Velvet by Alannah Myles. I like her voice and the beat in the back.

It’s the same with the movies, I need to watch the whole movie & only then I can walk away. No matter how bad, guess I just need to see how it ends. Sometimes, I know I can predict the end and even though the movie is pathetic, I still need to finish the damn thing. Guess I’m flawed that way, haha.

The lead guitar bits are good.

I don’t think I have seen a really good movie this year. A lot of the movies these days are average, with the over-exaggerated budget in their marketing, which invariably raise our expectations so much that when we finally get around to watching it, we are barely entertained. These days the special effects & CGIs have been given more importance then the script. Funny, I was just reminded of the {classic] movie – 12 Angry Men. No wonder they are called classics. I’m sure every generation has enjoyed this (including mine – Gen Y)

Love Me Two Times by The Doors. Always loved Jim Morrison. A great poet.

Another great movie – The Sting. Then again, it has both Robert Redford & Paul Newman. Hard to go wrong with that mix. Nothing fancy like Oceans 11 (12 or 13 either). Yet powerful acting and witty script.

I think it’s time to hit the bed.... listening to "time of the season" ... DMB live cover... good feeling...

Where have the sparrows gone?


Lazy Sunday afternoon, out with Parents for lunch. We are at a restaurant on CMH road. Looking out the window, my mum spots a few mynahs in a tree just outside. She’s excited to see a hatchling amongst them. That’s when I ask my parents, when is the last time that they had seen a sparrow in our city. Unless you’re travelling outside the city, far away, I don’t think there are any more sparrows left in the city. Where have the sparrows gone?

There are plenty of changes around the city, many trees being chopped away - all in the name of development or evolution of the city. But at what price?

There is the construction of the metro line. It has pretty much ruined the city. Many trees have been trimmed down to its trunk. When I mentioned this to a friend, he condescendingly said one could not expect the progress of urbanisation without a cost. Due to some person(s) short sightedness in the planning for our city towards this so called (fucking) Growth, we are paying a dearer price just so that he/they can make an opportunistic gain. Okay one might say that with the metro line, it will be an efficient transportation system that would ease the pressure on other road transport, bringing tranquillity back. Are they certain the usage would be affordable to all, to ensure that maximum usage of this metro line is utilised. Assuming that this metro line is efficient in costs and attracts enough commuters, what if to maximise gain they opt for inferior products and fuel alternatives which invariably lead to further harm to our environment – pollution. Now the consultants, you may say, have already calculated the amount of emission and what is acceptable in today’s world - as the variables (like the trees) are off-setting this emission. Have they taken into account what would be the scenario once the trees are cut, what would be the acceptable emission then? Enough of badgering of the yet to be completed metro line. Let’s move on...

What about the roads that we drive/ride on? We want less traffic so we can get to work on time – which never really happens. They are expanding roads in most parts of the city. Obviously more trees are being chopped down. What used to be a Garden City is now only a concrete jungle. Get a bad spell of rain, many trees fall over. What else would expect? Their roots have been cut. Then they blame the government department on poor maintenance. Everyone is just so quick to judge and point out the flaws. Sadly, no one is thinking about replacing the tree that fell. How about growing another one? Plant a sapling. Does that even cost much? I’m sure an individual (like myself) would end up spending more on a “quiet” night - on drinks! Are we getting that so self-absorbed and selfish that we just ignoring everything and everyone?

I read an article just the other day, in the funny papers, that a few people got the trees trimmed to nearly half their size so they could have a better fucking view from the balcony of their apartment. Seriously, I don’t get it. Isn’t anyone thinking of OUR future anymore? We do talk about it and sign up for various awareness campaigns on social networking websites. But honestly, what good does that do? I’m not saying I do anything. Fuck, all I am doing is typing this up on my blog (one could probably argue that I am increasing my carbon footprint). Well, I am simply speaking my mind. I think we all need to take an initiative. Not wait for some corporate event to tell us what to do. Let us start by doing something around our neighbourhood. The streets are nowhere close to what they were 10-15years ago. Why don’t we try to bring that back. Make our home and its surroundings a better place. Then moving on to “saving the world”, one small step at time. That’s all it takes. Maybe a couple of hours a month or in a quarter.

I know this may seem all talk from my side as well. Atleast, I am talking about the change and attempting to do something about it. Well... what about you? I leave you with the question:

Where have the sparrows gone?

I find it easier to change people so they fit into my world

Rather than changing myself to fit into theirs!

Random thoughts at a random hour


Yes, I borrowed your line. I was just sitting back listening to some music and thinking of you. From an assorted playlist, a song began to play that made me think of you. It’s the one that is most apt for the way I feel for you. Baby I Want You by Amos Lee.


Yes, things have changed. I’m lovin’ it!


Most of the time, we pass on things because it requires a bit of work, that little extra effort. However, it’s not really that, it’s simply because we are scared, scared to step outside of our comfort zone. We focus so much on what we stand to lose; we don’t see what we stand to gain. Its hard but it’s so worth it.


I thought I had so much I could add to this, sadly, I’m just all out of words. Guess you do that to me. 

I’ll leave you with the lyrics of the song:


Baby I want you
Baby I want you
Baby I do


Darling I love you
Darling I love you
Know that it's true


Don't leave me here out on my own
Don't you know how I hate to be alone
I just want to be a part of your home


Baby I want you
Baby I want you
Baby I do


Darling I love you
Darling I love you
Know that it's true

Don't leave me here out in the cold
Don't you know that it's your hand I want to hold
As these days fly past and unfold


Hey hey hey hey
Baby I want you
Baby I want you
Baby I do


Darling I love you
Darling I love you
Know that it's true

Random Photos (part 1)

My initial idea was to share some of my (amateur) photography work on this blog... with my lazyness, never got around to do any of it.. facebook seems a lot easier.. though I think it messes up some of the content... anyways...hope to keep adding a lot more in the future

some food photos:

    

        

A few random ones from a trip:

of course, some random things (not really photography stuff... but WTF)

a few things in my room:

This one is painted behind my door by a friend of mine.. did it in less than 90mins, by just looking into the cd inlay of the Iron Maiden album "Rock in Rio"

some other ones: 

hmmmm....

Still a long way to go... very much in the basic learning stage...

my gear:

Canon EOS 450D

Canon EF 24-105 f/4.0 L IS USM (initially used the single lens kit, wasn't too happy with it, sold that on ebay & used the money to buy a nice potrait lens)

Canon EF 50mm f/1.8 Mk II - worth every cent. 

Tripod (used pretty much for my night shots only) - Manfrotto 719b

for Blah

.



Illusion


Dont turn off the light,
Dont want to leave you tonight,
These tears of rage
May stream down my face.
I dont want to remember
the long dark december.
As long as your with me
I can take on anything.
When the music is playing
Cant help remember that blissful feeling.
The world may turn away
but not Your love.
Everytime I hold You, You disappear,
How could I forget, You’re not really here!!!



About 7 years ago, on a random drinking night with George - we were talking about some of the things I used to attempt to write (don't think they were any good). I was boasting that I could write about anything - of course a bit intoxicated. Being in that state of mind, I told him I would write something about alcohol. A year later I wrote the above. It is actually written to alcohol (personified) & sadly not a girl. It was actually written after it had enlightened me that, unlike the popular consensus, people who drink when they are sad or depressed are actually full of shit.
So in a way, this is an ode to alcohol.

Sadly, I dont think many believed me - they think it was simply just about a girl.

Perception! People see and believe only what they choose to (even when everything they need is right in front of them)

Bookends:


Thinking back on the day that has just passed... nothing significant... yet memorable...

Walking in the sun, finding my way to the last bar I knew she was at. Its early in the evening, she was there a couple hours ago. She’s not answering my call, I’m contemplating whether she is a bit inebriated or just playing hard to get. I’m fond of her. Either ways, I need to play the game. Follow the chase.

The summer is still a long time away, though it doesn’t feel so. The last few days were like torture. Still optimistic. Thinking of the cold beer and the warm smile. The phone rings, I think it’s her. Alas! Someone else. I cross the road. Talking on the phone, waiting to hang up. A familiar face walks past. Someone from the past. I smile, she recognizes me. Doesn’t stop. Says hello, waves goodbye! I beckon her to stop whilst ending the conversation on the phone. We exchange pleasantries. Talk about random things. The conversation barely lasts 3 minutes. I’m trying to figure out what has gone wrong. People do grow apart and go their separate ways. But this is ridiculous; she chooses not to acknowledge the past. Barely even acknowledges me. Was the past that bad? We are less than strangers, I think to myself. As I walk away, I feel indifferent. That’s what probably got me upset, that none of this upsets me. Last nail in the coffin? For the same person, I would have given up anything - 7 years ago. Now I wouldn’t care to waste more than a couple of minutes. Maybe we finally grew up. Maybe we grew apart. Or simply, maybe we just stop caring altogether.

I’m thinking of the song by Simon & Garfunkel:

“Time it was, and what a time it was, it was
A time of innocence, a time of confidences
Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph
Preserve your memories, they're all that's left you”


Memories are indeed that are all that is left. However, I don’t find myself as of one of those who are constantly living in the past or some of those who are only planning for the future. Either ways, they both forget the present. The most we can accomplish, or do anything at all, is now. Live for the moment, free living!

The time has come to use the other bookend and start on another shelf. Genre has changed. Evolving was inevitable, no matter how late.

"I am troubled immeasurably by your eye. I am struck by the feather of your soft reply. The sound of glass speaks quick disdain and conceals what your eyes fight to explain."

 - Jim Morrison